The Funny Story of a Fat e-Taxi Driver and a Phone Thief


By Ibrahim Muideen Adewole

As I was rounding off the day’s hustle as an e-taxi Merchant, the day’s sales was poor and through the disappointment I decided I was suspending the luxury of air-conditioning in the car in order to save fuel to start the next day’s business.

So I wound down the glasses of my rented Blue Toyota Matrix as I descended the Obalende bridge heading towards my uncle’s house in Bourdilon but as I was about making the very first u-turn in order to face Obalende road, I suddenly heard “Ah! egbon! Ewo bí ese tèmí mólè” (ah! Bros see as how you drove over my foot!) I glanced out of the window at the small boy claiming I drove over his foot from the other side of the car I heard a sound like gbarrrrr and fiam, my phone was off its holder!

Several thoughts come to my mind in the space of 3 seconds “should I let go and be crying deep inside like a small girl or I jump out of this car and pursue this idiot like a bat out of hell”.

I followed the latter and in between cars in the traffic hold up of Obalende there was a live demo of subway surf where I was the never relenting fat police.

“Your car is moving! Your car is moving!!” I was screamed at by pedestrians and fellow drivers as I forgot to set the gear to ‘P’ before I jumped out then I went like “kai, I’m losing this boy” I dashed back to the car, parked it and glanced towards the crowd where the idiot ran and in like 60 meters in front of me I saw the fool still maneuvering between cars.

I activated the Usain Bolt in me defying all laws of physics as I hurl my 97kg self through the crowd and cars.

I was running at a very terrifying speed as I was cheered on by everyone never to relent. The idiot looked back to see himself been chased down by a buffalo knocking down everything on his path!

He doubled-up, I quadrupled so I guess he figured out that this man that’s entering all nooks and crannies of the under bridge hideouts after him must be “omo adugbo”. I kept my eye on him even without my glasses and made sure I never lose him. So as I was about 5 meters away from him he dropped my phone for  me and I turned back.

As I made my way through the cars and crowd I held my phone up high for everyone to see to a loud cheer and congratulations and wows as people were wondering  how I kept up with him. I responded “you think say I no fit Carry body abi because I fat! Come see me for “under” on Sunday”.

Though I never expected to get the phone back because I expected the thief to have passed it to another person but I thought if I could get hold of him! There’s no was I wouldn’t get an assistance in that area and I should be able to retrieve my phone!

I’m typing with the phone now.

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